i’m so pissed off, i dont know where to start
your looking at me all depressed like this is my fault
so let me start y’all off with an intro
went to Premier fitness, to get an assessment
it was free, thinking it would be like a refreshment
maybe i’m too pissed off to write, maybe i’ll just vent
anyways so this dude comes up to me, tells me to jog on this bike
he says its only 5 minutes, but he puts it on level 12, sending me directly to hell
then he says for me to keep this shit steady at 80 RPM, and i’m like aight
so I start, and he leaves the room, i’m ok past 2 1/2 minutes, then my knees weaken
my chest tightens, and i’m hardly breathing, i’m panting, lke a dog, chasing after an icecream car
shit man, but i wont give up, dropped the shit to 50 rpm, and i was like oooh fuck…
so mr. six foot one black man walks back in, come on man keep that shit spinnin
only a few seconds left, keep up rev’s, put the final mark on the shit, dang look at that sweat

so he starts babbling, after i’m done
and i’m sarcastcally thinkin’ to myself that was fuckin’ fun
he says old people do this too, says i’m so out of shape, makin me look like damn fool
i told him, i feel sick, think i’m gonna throw up dude, he says run to the bathroom quick
i say naw dawg i just need to lie down, my heart was beating so fast, i was panting like a hound
so i lie down in the test room, he closed the door, and i close my eyes and to my surprise
it takes me a good ten minutes for my heart to slow, and i’m like dang, this is worse than the eminem show
so, now hes telling me the magic fucking number is thirty three
thirteen pushups, 9 situps and pull ups i did exactly three, tee hee
so i go to get a drink of water, but i cant walk, i’m trying to find some energy, but its all shot
so i tell mr. 6 foot 1, listen, i need to stop, i stretch my legs, as much as i could
it was embrassing, limping down the hall, and here I am trying my best to stand tall
ok, so now where learning squats, i’m piss tired right now, i feel like ramming that pole right into your crotch
i’m too tired so instead i sit and watch while you babble again, nothings going through my head, i’m honestly finished
so i do the empty bar, and i do not get far, i dont even come close to making par
the metal pole is clanking the sides, and he stops me and says aight
your form is all wrong, try and step back and do it again, i did a couple with an empty bar
did i tell you this was embarassing? well keep guessing? see if I learned my lesson.
now my fucking back is achin, i’m rubbin it with my left hand, and i start thinkin
my back is too fucked up for this, i rather take a hit of some weed and ignore my image

Now were off to the benchpress, he says u told me this is ur excercise, so lets start the test
how much do you normally do, i tell him about eighty pounds and he frowns
is 95 ok, i say yeah sure whatever, i cant comprehend a single word you say
so yeah I did a couple, maybe even about six or so, but the bar was clanking against the sides again
but lets be fair, he did give me a few pointers, but at the end of it all i realized the whole point of
this whole entire physical, its made to make you feel weak, and to be upset with your own physique
its designed to make you think that you stink, and if you dont join up, then u’ll be a pansy lil girl dressed in pink
look boys and girls, its financial man, here to tell me his plan,
now listen to the next line you hear it is totally wack
i explained this dude that i have no money, and he says you cant wait too long you could have a heart attack
oh please, fuck that, this is how you do your business, you rely on peoples insecurities
screw that, eat shit, dude and i think while i was in the gym i even cut the cheese
but you cant phase me, ur trying to put fear into the fearless
but it wont work, i can see light even in entire darkness
your non motivational staff needs to find a new approach
cuz i think i’mma just grab my coat and be my own coach
here is my personal vow, my personal promise
within seven months, i’mm aloose my fat belly
and i wont need the help of a 6 foot one black man
i didnt sign up for the military, and ur whole approach is fucking scary
and I like to be my own boss, so let me do this my way, i’m in no rush
you just watch, i will tone it down, and i wont have to spend thirty five hundred
yup thats the quote he gave me people, all that for a super toned stomach?